The big Jobs Speech by our President isn’t being received well by Wall Street and I’m pretty sure most Americans didn’t watch him deliver it last night – but they did watch the football game.

The liberals really live in a world of gumdrops and rainbows with unicorns that fart cotton candy – get a grip folks!

This Tea Party Movement in our country is a disaster – those folks also need to get a grip (on reality).

The economic problems are not the fault of a single political party but an entire generation of people who just don’t get it.  A lousy job was done with this group getting them ready to lead the world.  There isn’t a natural leader in the group.

It does not seem like the President or Congress really understands what is going on with the American people.

Weekends are the only time I can really get a good night sleep (well except for Sunday night – because that is an anxious night)

What does a credible but unconfirmed terror threat mean?

Dad was right, sometimes life just isn’t fair – deal with it!  (that one is for me, mainly)

So, these were many of the random thoughts that just came into my mind today – have a great weekend!

I don’t know the answer. Lately I have thought success has eluded me.  In reality the only real success that has eluded me is professional success.  I am not  doing what I set out to do professionally.  If I am honest with myself, I am my own worst enemy. I do not have the ability to  keep my mouth shut, play political games or hurt others for my gain and I have been  left me in the background of other people’s professional success.

When I was younger and much more selfish I did have the coldness necessary to climb the corporate ladder, I just don’t have it now.  I also have begun to redefine success in my mind.  Frankly,  a job is a job.  The people who you work with and work for have no real interest in you as a person.  Not for the long haul.  I have a handful of  people I would call friends with whom I have shared a job space.  Most of the people I worked to impress, tried to please and spent countless hours with are just memories and some of them are not even that.

Success isn’t found a place of employment or in a job title.  Success is found in as ease of spirit, in love of family and friends and in reckless abandon.

Maybe I will feel real success when I relax enough to let the desire to be happy override the desire to please all those insignificant people who for a moment seem to rule my life.

Last night my 11-year-old niece graduated from the 5th grade.  As you know, I’m the Mother of 4, and when it comes to over blown graduations and school programs I am a 20 year expert.  As I like to say, this wasn’t my first rodeo, or maybe it was.

I’ll be damned why my children’s elementary school makes such a big deal out of moving from elementary school to middle school.  This isn’t the 1800′s, it is the fucking 21st century.  We don’t need to rip our kids out of their youthful pursuit of education so they can come man up and help us on the farm.  We all live in the suburbs for God’s sake.  The only farming going on in our neighborhood is on Facebook.

But wait, it get’s worse and my opinion gets stronger…and possibly more graphic, I have had a glass of Chardonnay.

The whole 5th grade graduation began at 7pm.   I thought I would be homeward bound by 7:45.  After all how long could this take?  Once again, I my assumption was way off base.  As I watched the soon to be 6th graders walk in the gym in rhythm to Pomp and Circumstance I might have said “What the Fuck” out loud, but I’m not sure.  I know most of these kids, we live in a rural area and we all live in the same private community.  There was the boy from down the street wearing no less than a tuxedo.  I am not kidding you a tuxedo.  Two girls were in full-fledged prom dresses.

Again I ask, “what the hell is wrong with my generation?”  What are we doing to our children.  Getting through grammar school is not something tuxedo worthy.  Woo Hoo your kid can read and write and knows the alphabet and a little algebra!  Let’s rent a fucking ballroom and throw a party.

But wait….it get’s worse….

Then came 10 minute speeches from three hand-picked students which chronicled their entire life from Kindergarten through 5th grade.  These children may be good students but orators they were not.  At this point I was 30 minutes in, I was committed.

Then came the awards, the awards that seemed as if they would never end.   I am fairly certain that after this 45 minute interlude every child got at least one award.  They gave awards for “good attendance.”  I am not kidding!  Good attendance!  I was waiting for the “came to school a few times” award.

I realize these children are leaving the best time of their life.  From here on out it is all downhill.  Their next stop is middle school.  Middle school is equal to hell on earth.  Those fresh-faced 5th graders will soon fight acne, begin developing their personality disorders and be tormented by each other for the next three years.  High school won’t be much better.  Some of them will end up in college and for a few years they will think life is paradise.  Then they will get a job, be verbally abused by insecure bosses and co-workers, have their paycheck raped by taxes and realize that adult life is not much different from middle school.

Maybe the end of elementary school is something to celebrate in the grandest of fashions.  It is all downhill from here.

I digress.   I am now a non smoker into day 3.  It has been 52 or so hours into  this new life.  I have to tell you I don’t even want a cigarette.  I feel lost at times because so much of my life has been wasted  smoking, or looking for a place to smoke, or planning my next cigarette break, but all in all I don’t want to smoke.  I have even already been around people smoking and it hasn’t made me want to smoke.

Maybe because I’m being very selfish and doing this quit only for me, but this is the first time I haven’t just longed for a smoke during my quit.  Bear in mind the average smoker attempts to give up this habit 9 times before they succeed (or die).  This is my sixth attempt.  In the past I have done it for other people or to prove a point or because my doctor said it was a good idea.  This time I just don’t want to be a smoker anymore.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  Maybe that is why is seems a bit easier – I’m doing it for me.

I do have to say my husband is a saint at times and this is one of those times.  No matter how much I say I don’t want to smoke, I am withdrawing from a drug and it sucks.  My body is aching for it’s fix.  I’m crabby and short-tempered and some of the things I have said to Dewayne over the past 48 hours have been horrible.  I didn’t know I can be so mean.  He is taking it all in stride and laughing about it.  God Bless him!

So, here I am into day 3 of this quit.  The support I am getting from friends and colleagues (some of which I thought didn’t even like me) has amazed me.  I hope they continue to give the support,  it does help.

I did smoke for 20 years and there is a chance I will see health issues even 20 years from now from that stupid decision.  I can say that my circulation is better.  My cough has subsided.  It is much much easier to breathe.  I already feel better.

Maybe, just maybe, I won’t have to spend my last years with an oxygen tank – there is no guarantee I won’t, but what I can guarantee is, if I smoke, I will for sure die with an oxygen tube attached to my face – that is a certainty.  I am a gambler so I will gamble on my body’s ability to heal itself.

FYI, I might gain a few pounds during this early part of the quit – I beg you not to point it out!

I have been an active smoker for about 20 years.  My story is similar to all those who have found their lives chained to the end of a cancer stick.  I was 20 years old.  I had friends who smoked, I thought it made me cool and wild.  Now I’m in my 40′s and it makes me look stupid and will make me die sooner than necessary so I quit.

I have been taking the stop smoking drug Chantix for a week and half.  My official quit date should have been last Saturday but I have smoked a little up through yesterday and now I feel as if I am ready to stop.  The 6 cigarettes I smoked yesterday didn’t even give me the “Ahhhhh” feeling I am used to getting from a puff or two.

I won’t lie, I have a secret cheat.  If I feel like I’m about to bum a smoke and head outside I have some nicotine lozenges and I’m not afraid to use them.

All the quit smoking websites say you should reward yourself at milestones.  For me I’m looking at a 31 day milestone.  At that point I will have saved enough money (from not purchasing cigarettes) to buy a very nice Keurig Coffee pot.  That means on Saturday April 23rd I will become the owner of one of those magic little coffee machines.  (YUM!).

As for this week.  I am going to allow myself to pretty much eat what I like and snack when I want.  One week only of this behavior or my health concerns about smoking will turn to health concerns about things like diabetes.

Although this is my 6th attempt to quit smoking in the past 20 years, this is the first time I am actually doing it for myself.  This isn’t about anyone or anything but ME!  I’m going to be a super selfish bitch and quit just because I want to keep on living a long life to torment those around me and trust me once I conquer this beast I am going to rub it in big time!

Every time I hear “I can’t” from someone I am probably going to have to retort, “You can’t?  really?  Seriously?  I quit smoking after 20 years – don’t tell ME you can’t!”

Oh wow – that is motivation.

Don’t misunderstand, I have high expectations for myself but try to maintain moderate to low expectations of those around me.

I violated my own rule this week.  I was recently in a situation in which the facts were so clear it seemed as if having high expectations was safe.  I was wrong.

There is always a lesson to be learned, no matter how much you think you have it figured out.  I learned a valuable lesson about the people I am around, the expectations I should embrace and my true place in a collective mission.

At the end of the day, the only person who sees value in the things you accomplish is you.  That, in the end, has to be enough to sustain you.

I will admit that reading a map while driving is a challenge and in those cases I do prefer an Atlas book.

Once my husband got an iPhone a few years ago we used his GPS but that application does not compare to the Garmin.   I recently became the owner of a Garmin GPS.  I won it actually.  I thought I had no use for it.  I thought, seriously?  I can read a map.  I used my Garmin for the first time on a trip to Arlington Virgina.

I have  a few observations about this talking, sometimes squawking box called a GPS.

A GPS is addictive.  I decided when I first got it free from its hermetically sealed packaging I would try it out around my neighborhood.  Overall Ms. Garmin did a good job getting me around my neighborhood.  Then I programmed her for my trip and away we went.

I liked the way she told me what was coming up, the time I would reach my destination and kept track of my speed.  Ms. Garmin does get a bit bitchy when you “drive away from the highlighted route.”

God forbid you take an exit ramp to the nearest bathroom.  It is almost as if the GPS gives you a big sigh and then says “recalculating”  followed by “drive 500 feet and make a U-turn.”

This piece of intelligent technology has an attitude.  If she is so smart shouldn’t she be able to figure out that after about an hour in the car the driver might have to take a potty break.  It would be much more useful if she said, “I see you need a bathroom, the Exxon 500 feet to the left has clean restrooms and an ample supply of snacks and beverages.”

Maybe the GPS could tell me where the best price for fuel in the area is.  No, Ms. Garmin just gets all pissy because I’m not driving on her “highlighted route.”  I also suspect recalculating is an irritating task because I swear the tone of the GPS voice changes when she has to do it.

All in all I liked using the GPS.  I anticipated her voice coming on 2 miles from my exit.  She did manage to get me a bit lost in downtown Arlington but she eventually got me to the interstate.

Now that I have entered the new generation and started using a GPS I will rest comfortably in the knowledge that if those satellites go down, I still know how to read a map.

When all the talk started about season 10 and the new judges, I was less than enthusiastic.  Let’s face it.  AI has become less entertaining over the past few years.  Losing Paula Abdul and gaining Ellen did not help season 9.

Enter Steven Tyler and JLo.  I will discuss Steven Tyler in a minute, but let’s first address the JLo issue.  I have never been a huge fan of JLo.  I don’t dislike her.  I have watched her movies and been mildly entertained.  She sings well.  I just wasn’t a fan.  My biggest peeve with JLo is I’m sick and tired of her being called the poster child for the full-figured.  PLEASE.  Her trunk has NO junk!  What is she a size 5?  Sorry world, a size 5 is not full-figured.  All hail JLo because she has made headway for the full figured woman – PLEASE.  Those applause should be reserved for Queen Latifa.. but I digress.

I was pleasantly surprised last night by how kind and genuine Jennifer Lopez appeared in the first round of the first show of AI season 5.  We will have to wait and see if she gets just a bit tougher.  If it were up to her everyone who tried and cried would be put through to Hollywood.  All in all she was quite likable and I will be able to continue to watch her.  At least she isn’t the train wreck Paula always appeared to be.

Let us take a moment to discuss Randy Jackson.  He is now the grandfather of AI judges.  As it was in the beginning and will be in the end, alpha and omega kind of thing.  Randy has slowed down on his “yo dog” talk and moved to the head chair once occupied by Simon Cowell.  Make no mistake, Randy is no Simon Cowell but he is a steadfast ingredient American is used to.

Now let us discuss Steven Tyler.  I love Steven Tyler.  I am a fan of him of Aerosmith and Joe Perry.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a poster hanging, bumper sticker kind of fan.  I’m not so jacked up on the band that I put them on my license plate “AROSMTHFN”.

There is just something captivating about the screeching lead singer of one of the world’s greatest rock bands.  Like Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, who the hell knows how old Tyler is – I think he has to be about 60.  He is a spectacle but lovable.  There is something a bit creepy about him leering at under age girls, but I don’t think he is leering, I think in that moment he is transfixed and in love with them.  His love of music and the industry oozes from him and I found him delightful.

All in all I think season 10 of AI may be the best season ever.  Mostly because I love Steven Tyler but  lets us all see how this shakes out in the coming weeks.

After three months of a pace that would make a marathon runner tired I have been forced to slow down and rest.  Resting is always something I “say” I put at the top of my priority list, but in reality it isn’t something I do often.  Between moving from one home to another, closing out a sales quarter, the holidays and normal daily family stress and activities I had worn myself out.

I have really rested for the past two days.  I took time OFF work (only working a few hours a day), watched more TV than a 13-year-old girl and slept.  It seems as if the antibiotics are kicking in and I might be myself again very soon.  This morning I woke up feeling better for the first time in two weeks.

I haven’t put make up on in three days and the only time I have left the house was to visit the doctor.  It is no vacation but sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and take time to simply be still.  Of course when you are a mother of four you can never totally stop but with the help of a husband who is sympathetic I have rested, finally for the first time in months.

There really is no heroism in going when you are sick.  There is a certain amount of maturity in admitting that you need down time, a time of rest. It is a shame that for most of us we do not take this time until our body demands we do it.  Although I have said before I will learn from my mistakes, I am going to try to learn from this latest adventure with illness.

Maybe next time I need a break, to slow down, I will do in a way that does not include a Z-pack, multiple boxes of tissues and a blanket on the sofa.  I think next time I would like it to include a quiet vacation with my husband and my kids.  Yep, next time I am going to skip the sick and go right for the vacation.

“Christmas is canceled due to a lack of interest.”

As a very young girl I would try to figure out what the heck he meant.  At five-years-old I really thought there was movement a foot to rid the month of December of Christmas.  Year after year Christmas came, presents were unwrapped and cookies were baked.  Christmas was never canceled.

As an older child and teenager I began to think my father was just the personification of The Grinch.  I thought he was just cranky and hated the holidays.  Some of that may have been accurate but now as an adult I now understand what he was saying.

It is not that I want to cancel Christmas.  I want the holiday season to actually last longer.  I want December to be a month with six weeks.  It seems as if I never have enough time or money to make the holiday season anything but a stressful mess for myself.

There is a certain amount of pressure on parents to provide a holiday fantasy for kids.  My husband becomes frustrated each year with the commercialism of Christmas.  Part of that comes from the financial aspects of showering kids with yards of plastic crap that will be broken before winter break is over and part of it comes from his true abiding faith in his Lord.

He asked few days ago “how did the celebration of the birth of Christ become a time to  buy your kids a bunch of stuff you can’t afford?”

I didn’t have an answer and he didn’t expect one.

The entire point I am trying to make is I completely understand why my Dad tried to “cancel” Christmas every year.  The push and pressure of commercialism is much for parents to bear.

This year we are going to focus on family and food and surprises.  I am looking forward to Friday and Saturday, not because my children will have a ton of gifts to open on Christmas morning, but because I have my children and they have us.

I may not have the time or resources to shower the kids with computers and video games and new cell phones.  I will make the time to make cut out Christmas cookies with them today.  I will find the time to make a wonderful holiday meal next Saturday.  I will have time and resources to cuddle with them and watch Toy Story on TV, like we did last night.

I honestly don’t think they will remember that Christmas 2010 was the year they didn’t get something.  I do pray that they remember that Christmas in their house when they were children was full of fun and love and Mom and Dad were always there for them.  There is a value in those memories you can’t find a Target or the mall!

And an angel of the Lord stood by them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. – Luke 2:9

And the angel said unto them, Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all the people. – Luke 2:10

for there is born to you this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. – Luke 2:11